I think if my life were charted in terms of the crests and troughs I feel I'm in, I'd be a little embarassed to show it to anyone. There are the ups and downs and then within those are even more up and downs, and on and on until it's clear that I change my mind "like a girl changes clothes" as Katy Perry would say.
So where am I right now? Well I just got back from church, and feel filled with hope. So that's an up. But within that, I've felt so alone this past month or so. I've got so many people in my life who I love deeply, but no one person in particular with whom I share my whole heart. That trough lies within an even bigger one. My faith in my God has been very much a struggle. I function on a blind faith right now, and it really has taken a toll on my joy and fullness. It's hard to feel full with a God whose existence you question.
BUT within all of this, the most important and permanent up (or down) a person can be in is their standing before God. I am a daughter of the King. And that trumps every little thing that seems to go wrong in my very finite life. This is why I have reason to hope, reason to wait it out. No amount of troughs can even come close to the hope that I have in Christ.
